Many of my fellow bloggers know that very soon in the immediate future my family is going to be making a cross country trek to Tatooine. We are packing up every last item we own, cramming it into a moving van, and transplanting our lives 2600 miles <-- thatta way on the map in the hopes of a better life. A few things spring to mind as I ponder this life-altering adventure that will take place in just 16 days.

And since jkthunder just inspired me to start dividing up blogs w/quotes, I am going to try my hand at it!

I'm not the Jedi I should be.

My husband is a school teacher, he teaches instrumental music in a middle school. Loves the age level (yes, his name will come up for sainthood someday!) but does not love the situation in his school district. Every attempt to improve his station in the 9 years we've lived in our corner of Endor has been met with resistance. He has been educated at some of the best music schools in the country and yet he's been told he's not "qualified" by other school districts in the area. The same districts that then turn around and hire kids fresh out of state college... Frustrating. Enough to make even the most devout Jedi flash the yellow sith eyes.
(btw - I'm talking about him, not me! You all know I have a sith side!)

Enough was enough. Time to move on. But where to go? Must be somewhere where both of us can make better lives. We have what could be a once in a lifetime chance to improve BOTH our lives, not just one while the other "makes due." So, where to go? Where to go?

Just short of throwing a dart at the US map (which, IMO would have been just as fun!!) we decided to move where we already had friends. Tatooine (code for Las Vegas, NV). Even in this day & age, there is still some romance in heading west for a better life. We've decided to drive the journey, figured we should be conscious of exactly how far we're going and the land we're crossing.

Sounds dangerous, I wonder who they found to pull that off.

The preparations have been going on now for 10 months now, and the time is drawing nigh when I will embark on my part of the journey.

Sadly, due to very grown up decisions (like jobs & housing) we have to take this journey separate from each other about a month apart. I am the first to go. I am the first to take that first step into the next phase of our lives.

It's odd to think that one person will be living an entirely new life, alone, while the other is continuing on "same as always." Like parallel universes or something. It's a strange thought for me: hubby & I have always done everything together. Leapt into the unknowns of life together, side-by-side. We've always been partners more than spouses (shouldn't the plural of spouse be spice?) and for the biggest change, we are going it alone. We will both survive. And I think it's for the best that I'm the one going first. I'm the mover. I'm the doer. I truly embody the whole "rolling stone gathers no moss" thing.

What's the cargo?

Myself, the boy, 2 droids....and no questions asked.

In my preparations to leave, I have been packing & cleaning out everything we own. This is the 2nd time I've culled our things in an attempt to scale back our possessions. It's pretty simple in the end, though, that our stuff is just stuff, it will all fit in the truck, it will all arrive on Tatooine, it will be there.

I am going to be driving a Mitsubishi Outlander cross country (it belongs to my parents who are also moving to Tatooine - I'm doing them a "favor" by driving their 2nd car out to them) which has significantly more trunk space than our Honda Civic. Getting past my whole idealogoy that SUV's are the "Spawn of Satan" I am looking forward to being able to pack more than I was planning in the car. My son will be going with me, my brother will be co-pilot (yes, the original Luke & Leia on a whirlwind adventure!), and of course our cargo. No droids, though. Neither one of us went to MIT.

You may ask, does my son really truly know what's about to happen to all of us? And my answer to that is Yes. Which now brings me to the Star Wars portion of the blog. (this would be a good time to hit the potty)

I can't do it, Mom, I just can't do it.

Little kid Anakin is faced with a decision: follow Qui-Gon Jinn into the unknown and have good life OR stay home and remain a slave. What to do? What to do? This moment is what tips Anakin toward the darkside: he can't let go of his mother. He HAS to leave her behind if he has any hopes of having a better life. What he doesn't understand is that all parents want what's best for their children, and that involves letting go. Repeat: letting go. Shmi does what she needs to do because she is a good mother, selfless & loving toward her son. But Anakin is too little to understand that. All he knows is that he's leaving his mother but he doesn't want to. He feels guilty that he can't take her and he's scared he'll never see her again.

With this move, my husband will be moving far away from his parents. Speaking as a true daughter-in-law, I will say 1) I am glad and 2) if he feels any of this guilt he's going to get the torture droid.

Back to Anakin....

So Shmi has just decided that she needs to let Anakin go. The same way that we have had to make decisions based on what will be best for our son. Sure we could stay here and struggle on, but could our kid go to college w/o a lifetime of loans? Can we guarantee that moving to Tatooine will make things so much better? The answer to both is NO. Someday I hope our son will understand why we decided to move. He's so young, he'll probably barely remember living on Endor.

The thing is, even as Anakin grew into a young man, he never understood why his mother could let him go. If he had matured enough in his thinking while becoming a Jedi (before we meet him in AOTC) he would have been able to let go a long time ago & given up on what amounts to greed in the end. If he had understood his mother's motives, he would have been able to honor her "memory" by listening to his teacher, following the rules, and becoming the most powerful Jedi.

Imagine how heartbroken she would have been had she lived to see him turn to the dark side. Her ultimate sacrifice of giving up her only son gone to waste. I have a very easy time believing that Shmi would truly have "lost the will to live" and died of a real broken heart had she seen what her son turned in to.

Look, a few minutes ago you said you didn't want to just wait here to be captured. Now all you want to do is stay?

As Anakin probably did in his little boy head for those hours before he left, we go back and forth on the question of whether or not we're doing the right thing. Should we? Shouldn't we? It's never too late to back out. We could stay. We should go. Round and round and round and round we go. In the end, we're going. Doubt is normal. Doubt is healthy. But I think Anakin left his mother on the doubt-down-swing of the cycle.

If everyone had been more up front with him, not just touting the wonders of being a Jedi - a warrior, a protector, a powerful wizard - but telling him the reality of it all, things would have been different. Look, we explain things to our 4-year-old with the assumption that he will "get it." We don't water things down, we don't talk in "kid code," we've told him what's going to happen, when and how. You ask him, he'll tell you we're taking Rt. 70 W. He knows.

Don't cross the streams

Why?

Because it would be bad.
-Ghostbusters

But what about Anakin? Did they lay down for him what was going to happen? I don't get that impression at all. He was "protected" from the truth and that had bad consequences for not only him & his friends, but for the galaxy.

Let me 'splain....no, there is not enough time. Let me sum up.
-Princess Bride

In the end, this blog turned out to not be about the thing that I originally intended it to be about. Therefore, there will need to be another blog about that other thing. This blog took on a life of it's own and took a dive off the cliffs of insanity.

The point of my blog now, I guess, is that honesty in the face of our greatest fears (especially when concerning our kids) is the most important thing. I am not afraid that my son will turn in to the next Darth Vader just because we're uprooting him from all that's comfortable and good in his world. Honesty. Someone should have tried it on Anakin. I bet things would have turned out much differently.