A while back, I blogged about how 2005 was the year I cut my moviegoing habits considerably, along with perhaps the rest of the movie-going public. I had estimated that 2005 would end up with about 22 movies seen in the theater. I was a bit off that mark -- I saw 24 -- but here's a summary of what I saw ranked from worst to best... presented for no other reason than "everybody's doing it."

24. Chicken Little. Horribly charmless mishmash of unfunny gags that read like Boomers desperately trying to show they're still hip by telling stale jokes that go over the heads of preschoolers. Wretched.

23. Showgirls. Exquisitely terrible, and easily one of the best theatrical experiences I've had in a while. Relentlessly malicious and mean-spirited; most disturbing part is picturing Joe Ezsterhaus writing stained page after stained page of this garbage in a disturbingly damp apartment. Highly recommended for group consumption.

22. Fantastic Four. Captures the most bland superhero quartet effectively (quick, name Mr. Fantastic and Invisible Girl's most endearing personality traits!) Still manages to screw up comic-dom's most ridiculously easy origin story by throwing Doom aboard the spaceship. The Marvel roll has stopped, though audiences ate it up.

21. Flightplan. Oh, man, did I want this to be Panic Room on a Plane. It wasn't, but the torch I carry for Jodie Foster (I'd shoot a president for her) brought me aboard this flight. Inoffensive but uneffective.

20. The Island. I can only positively guage Michael Bay movies by the degree that I don't hate them. And I didn't hate this one that much. In fact, everything up until the reveal of the central story was very entertaining, when we learn and explore the world he's set up. The restraint he showed slowly revealing the set up is remarkable for Bay. Of course, once the chase starts, it all goes to hell. Extremely mitigating factor: when did Scarlett Johanssen get so hot? Dang!

19. Robots. Almost as unfunny as Chicken Little, but not as bad. Can't help but notice that the video ads made little to no mention of Robin Williams; probably because the movie ads touted, "Robin Williams is back!" and everyone asked '... yeah, so?" Wallows in gaseous and big booty jokes, and even has a Britney Spears joke that was old five years ago. Some nice visuals, but that doesn't cut it anymore.

18. Kicking and Screaming. For an unabashed Will Ferrell fan, I couldn't turn it down. Worth a rental and a few laughs. Mike Ditka should do more wacky neighbor roles. We're talking Dick Butkis levels of cinematic greatness.

17. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Ultimately a disappointment despite the auspicious beginning of a dolphin musical number. The books suffered from awkward pacing, but in text, the reader is the ultimate arbiter of pace, since he or she could skim past the jokes that don't work or go on too long. Movie viewers aren't afforded similar luxuries.

16. Constantine. Suprisingly watchable and engaging. Keanu gets a bad rap -- and mostly warranted -- for his acting chops, but he's at his best "whoa"-ing to some supernatural situation, whether it be agent-filled matrices or, in this case, demons and angels duking it out in a moodily-lit modern city.

15. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Unlike most 30-somethings, I do not pray at the alter of the Gene Wilder version of this story, if only because I've never seen it. So, as a result, I did not have a Gen-X axe to grind with this new telling of the story, and was entertained by it for the most part. And hat's off to Deep Roy. That little guy is the real star here.

14. Madagascar. Worth a few laughs. The most inoffensive-to-the-intellect of the CG movies this year. Pixar, hurry up and get us out of this rut.

13. Howl's Moving Castle. Beautiful, and unique, but hampered by poor American voice-casting (Billy Crystal? Awww, come on, why is Mike Wizowski in this movie?). Not as accessible as Spirited Away, and many times I felt I would have gotten a lot more out of this if I was a teenaged girl.

12. King Kong. King Kong is three, three, three movies in one. One of them's good. One of them's okay. One of them is bad. I don't know what the caterers served at the press screening to make the media universally love this endurance test, but it's more flawed than masterpiece. And it's dirty little secret: shockingly bad visual effects in a number of sequences -- sequences that could have easily been trimmed, which makes their inclusion even more frustrating.

11. Kingdom of Heaven. The wimpiest war movie ever made has its heart in the right place, but why waste your Prius-driving social conscience message on the Crusades? Are we really to believe that in one of the most fervently blood-fever-fueled eras of history, a lone speaker can stir a crazed audience into asking, "Hey, maybe we're wrong about this whole slaughtering each other thing..."

10. Jesus is Magic. Uneven and often awkward, but there's something very entertaining about watching an audience squirm. With her filthy mouth and nothing-is-taboo comedy, Sarah Silverman proves why cynical geeks like me will always unapologetically love her just the way she is.

9. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. As someone who has never read the book, I really don't have any preconcieved notions when I go see a Potter movie in the theater. I've only got the other movies to guage it against. And while this wasn't as good as the last one, it was still a great ride. What made it most fresh is that it captured something that the others didn't; never have I been so happy to not be a teenager!

8. The 40 Year Old Virgin. A raunchy comedy without Seann William Scott! YES! In fact, refreshingly devoid of any three-named actors in their 20s! Funny, and not mean-spirited, which is a great surprise. Another great chapter in the saga of geeks conquering Hollywood.

7. War of the Worlds. Suffers the Spielberg curse of going on longer than it should (like Minority Report and AI), but if you forget the whole part with the son at the end, it's a hell of a great ride. The way disaster movies should be.

6. The Chronicles of Narnia. Samberg and Parns were right: it is a dream world of magic. But amid the amazing visuals and set pieces, we shouldn't overlook the remarkable acting achievements of these kids. They're great, especially the girl who plays Lucy.

5. The Aristocrats. Good, filthy fun. Your face hurts leaving the theater from laughing too hard. And unlike Robots, you remember why you liked Robin Williams way back when.

4. Batman Begins. Along with the forthcoming Superman movie, this film sets an amazing and important precedent. It means you can go back to a franchise that went wrong, and make it right again! Keep that in mind when X-men 3 blows next year.

3. Serenity. 2005 was the year I finally got into Firefly with the promise of it blowing me away. Well, it didn't; I liked it, a lot of it, but I admit to not seeing what much of the fuss was about. Then, the movie came out. And man, did I finally get it. Bravo!

2. Star Wars Episode III Revenge of the Sith. I heard some people liked this.

1. Sin City. I'm glad that something so provactive, gritty, in-your-face and distinct is now signalling the bold cry that "Film is Dead!" (as opposed to something as derivative as Sky Captain or even, I dare say, Star Wars).

Hey Hollywood, your old rules about co-director credits are just one of your outdated precepts. Rodriguez breaks so many rules in service of Frank Miller's vision, it's astounding. It's not a movie version of a comic. It's an upending of all the conventions of movies to serve the source material. It's astoundingly respectful of original graphic novels, and quite literally becomes something new and unique. While Jackson, Spielberg, Zemeckis and Lucas use modern cutting edge tools to keep living in the '30s and '40s, Rodriguez is setting the stage for the future of cinema -- not only in terms of process and technique, but content.

*****

Movies That Would Have Made The List Had I Seen Them

I never got around to Munich, Syriana or Walk the Line, so bear that in mind.

And, I only caught up to Kung Fu Hustle on video, but it is easily one of the best movies I've seen. It'd probably knock Serenity out of the #3 spot.

ph