How many of you are tired of seeing this you-know-what about Anna-Nicole Smith every freaking day!? Does it ever bug you? By now, the only thing that interests me is the paternity case. And I have my suspicions about who might be the father.....

1. Darth Vader
Think about it. He's the most unlikely person to be anyone's father, and, lo and behold, he's the main character's daddy. I have a feeling Vader saw Smith on the Holonet and decided to see if she was real or just a large plastic doll. (And I have a feeling she contains more plastic than your standard Hyandai)

2. Yoda
Why not? I mean Anna-Nicole liked older men. And if 900 years old doesn't fall into that category, I don't know what will.

3. Elan Sleazebaggano
Hey, I hear death sticks are very expensive on Earth, especially out in Hollywood!

4. Pope Benedict XVI
I just have a nagging feeling.....

Well, that's really it. Now that I've solved that, I think I'll turn on the news....