There have been many bad ideas in the history of man: the crusades, slavery, that whole "killing people who speak out for peace" thing, Cop Rock, and most recently me being asked to babysit my 8 month old nephew for the weekend.
Just to put things into perspective, I am about as qualified to care for a child as Deion Sanders is to extol the virtue of a properly cooked hot dog or OCP is to run the city of Detroit.

The closest thing I have ever done to parenting is training my dog. Now much to my surprise there are some very different rules for caring for a dog and watching a child. I just wish that this had been brought to my attention before this child was handed off to me.

1) When my dog starts barking at me it is perfectly acceptable to squirt him in the face with a water bottle. This is not the case when a small child begins to cry. In fact, squirting an 8 month old with water seems to only increase the volume and frequency of crying.

2) If the water doesn't work and my puppy continues to act up, it is fair to place him in his kennel for some time to let him ponder what he has done wrong and consider how he will make amends. Or he'll just eat his $50 puppy bed with innerspring mattress. However, using a similar tactic on a small child is apparently against the "rules". Despite my attempts to explain my side of the story, an empty fish tank is not an acceptable 'holding pen', at least that is what my g/f (rather rudely) informed me.

3) When my puppy feels 'natures call' he goes to the front door and whines until I get there. And once there he requires me only to open and close the door. Apparently it is unrealistic to expect an 8 month old to do the same.

4) According to court documents filed against me this morning, it is also important to feed a child more than once a day. And when feeding an infant it is inapropriate to use 'doggie bowls'.

5) Parents seem to be awfully intent on getting their child back. Apparently there is a 'no substitutions' policy on babysitting. Personally I felt that I should be commended for finding another baby of roughly the same age and ethnicity as the one I 'misplaced' so quickly. This is something I will definately keep in mind for next time. And as per my settlement I will not go within 100 yards of the Forest Hill community playground.