Star Wars: Blogs | The Ramblin' Rodian | Mourn Them, Do Not. Miss Them, Do Not.

The Ramblin' Rodian

date posted: Sep 27, 2007 7:12 PM

Mourn Them, Do Not. Miss Them, Do Not.

I just need to get this off my chest 'fore I end up locking myself in the bathroom and crying. A coupla days ago, I made a mention of this, but I figured I should go in a bit more detail.

A year ago, a very close friend of mine, Gary Martin, died tragically. I had known him for several years, most of it, however, online. He was funny, caring, and seriously the damn most courageous guy I had ever known. I idolized him and I loved him more than anything in the world.

One day, I'm told that he was in the hospital. In a coma. I dropped everything and travelled to Texas, spending two weeks at his side, urging him and pleading for him to wake up. He would respond to my voice, 'cause he was still there. Though, I hadta go back to Pennsylvania. Four days later, they took him off of life support and he passed away. He was 27.

In October, I made another trip to Texas to attend his memorial service. There, I said my good-byes and came back to Pennsylvania. Later, the site team that Gary started disbanded as we couldn't keep the site going. It just didn't feel right. Then many of us left that community. Leaving it behind and moving on seemed to be the only way I and a few others could actually heal after that.

Yoda tells us that when someone dies, they're not truly gone. And I hold onto that belief. Though the pain that you feel inside really puts that on the sidelines.

Gary, if you're out there some where and happen to stumble across this on some astral plane... I miss you and love you. And I'll never forget you. May the Force be with you, Gary.

Gary Martin
September 17th, 1979 - September 27th, 2006

http://blogs.starwars.com/ramblinrodian/19

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	ty_fighter01 The Death Star Files
date Posted: Sep 27, 2007 8:27 PM He's not truly gone. You'll see him again someday.

amidalooine
The Emotional Galaxy

date Posted: Sep 27, 2007 9:39 PM

That line, "Mourn them, do not. Miss them, do not," is the biggest bunch of poodoo that Yoda utters throughout the whole saga, and that includes anything he rambles about as his nutjob persona when we first see him in TESB.

"Mourning" and "missing" are natural parts of grief. To deny them is to deny what you felt when those you miss were alive.

BS. You go right on mourning and missing and eventually, you'll find yourself smiling at the same time.

Krash
Shadow12 standing by!

date Posted: Sep 27, 2007 10:09 PM

To deny them is to deny what you felt when those you miss were alive.
That's where I disagree with ya, and I think that's where the point of Yoda's line is.

When someone passes, that's obviously a sad time for those who knew them...but what does being consumed by those feelings get? Nothing good for you and nothing that honors your memory of them. To "deny" those feelings is really about not letting them consume the lives of those left behind. Like alot of things, it's about "balance"...too much Yin is just as bad as too much Yang!

Trak Nar - I honestly feel for what you're going through, but try and balance out some of that grief with keeping the things you liked about your frien alive and well.

Trak Nar
The Ramblin' Rodian

date Posted: Sep 27, 2007 11:20 PM

I honestly feel for what you're going through, but try and balance out some of that grief with keeping the things you liked about your frien alive and well.

Well... One of the things that's been keeping me from locking myself in a room and crying til I could cry no more was projects. Piling on so much work that I don't have time to think. Same with just talking to people. Keeping busy in some way.

	FAN4YRS A Rebel's Ramblings
date Posted: Sep 28, 2007 4:51 AM I also think you should have a long sit down with someone you know/love/trust and talk the whole thing through. I know that really helps me. And then pray about it. Give it over to God. "Cast all your cares on Christ because He cares for us." I realize this situation might have you angry at God or doubting Him, but leaning on Him works.

	JediPug1 Like My Father Before Me
date Posted: Sep 28, 2007 8:41 AM Beautiful tribute, Trak. You've done Gary proud, I'm sure. God bless you and Gary's family. (((Trak)))

Sarlacc-Pitt
Slowly Digested Over A Thousand Blogs

date Posted: Sep 28, 2007 9:27 AM

So sorry to hear about this.

Death sucks, I don't care what anyone says... it sucks. It's the hardest thing to go through, but you can get through it, and time helps to heal all wounds, it really does... it allows for perspective and emotional focus. You'll never stop missing your friend, but it will get better, and it won't be so horrible... your friend wouldn't want that for you.

	jkthunder Seven Pieces
date Posted: Sep 28, 2007 3:01 PM A truly wonderful dedication you've written here. I'm so sorry for your pain, and I'm pretty sure it's overwhelming to you at times. But I can see all the love here, even with what little I know from this entry. That's the important stuff. Feel free to blog about this as much as you want or need here. We're all here for you.

jkthunder
Seven Pieces

date Posted: Sep 28, 2007 3:09 PM

I just wanted to add - I recently lost a really close friend as well. I swear I can feel her presence sometimes. Not in a scary way. Just in my thoughts and feelings. It's happy and sad at the same time. Sad because I know we won't ever be in each other's physical presence again, but happy because I know I'll never forget her, and I have her to talk to in my own mind. It's very strange really! Losing someone close to you is a true lesson in letting go!

And as hard to follow as Yoda's words are, they are really true for me. I think it's important to not take Yoda-isms too literally or from any single angle. Of course we will feel the pain of mourning, but letting that come and not struggling against it is what allows us to let it go.

	jedilily1026 Years Matter Not (Gone Crazy...Be Back Soon)
date Posted: Sep 28, 2007 4:27 PM Yoda tells us that when someone dies, they're not truly gone. No they are not gone...they are in your heart and mind, in your memories. Mourning is part of the process no matter what is said in Star Wars!!!!

ketal13
HanAnWan

date Posted: Sep 28, 2007 6:50 PM

What a touching blog Trak Nar. I truly feel for you.
I agree with Ami about what Yoda says
BS. You go right on mourning and missing and eventually, you'll find yourself smiling at the same time.
As our wise fellow bloggers have already advised, mourning and missing is part of healing, without it we can never move on, there is always a whole in our soul, yearning for the person that once filled that space. With the mourning process that empty space slowly heals over, safely protecting that person's memory within.
Take care Trak Nar.
MTFBWY

Doc Lithius

date Posted: Sep 30, 2007 6:48 AM

All I've got to say is just do what you feel necessary, friend. Take some time off to cry if you have to. No one is going to think less of you if you hide away for a little while again. People understand that sometimes things happen which we have no control over. Things that make us...well...feel emotion. It seems like a Jedi's biggest thing is along the lines of "don't feel emotion". Well, forget that. You're no freaking Jedi. Feel all you want. We'll be right here when you feel like coming back...as we always have been... As I always have been...

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