He's hanging out with the wrong crowd.

He thinks bounty hunters are good role models.

He's fifteen-years-old!

Coming up next, on Dr. Phil....

Dr. Phil: I'm here today with parents, a Mom and a Dad, who are very concerned about their 15-year-old youngling. Mr. and Mrs. Jongjona, when did this all start?

Mr. Jongjona: Well, Phil, I blame myself. I travel a lot with work and so Erwin got used to spaceports.

Mrs. Jongjona: A man shouldn't have to feel guilty about making a good living. Erwin got in with the wrong crowd.

Mr. Jongjona: Well, I CERTAINLY don't blame myself for loose cantina regulations. There's no reason a thirteen-year-old youngling should be able to enter and order drinks there.

Audience: GASP!

Dr. Phil: GASP is right. Your son was going into cantinas and ordering drinks at 13?!

Mrs. Jongjona: Yes.

Dr. Phil: Well, what I wanna know is...where were his parents?

Audience: Claps.

Mr. Jongjona: You can't watch a child 35-9.

Mrs. Jongjona: It's especially hard when they have qualified for their landspeeder license.

Dr. Phil: Well, I'll let you know right now I don't agree with you, but, besides drinking, what else goes on when Erwin enters these spaceport cantinas?

Mr. Jongjona: It's disgusting! He makes friends with people named Droopy McCool and Bib Fortuna!

Mrs. Jongjona: Those don't sound like names to me--they sound like desert items!

Audience: Laughs.

Dr. Phil: I agree with you.

Audience: Really laughs.

Dr. Phil: OK, now I can give advice to parents all day until my face turns blue and their faces turn pink, but I say we need to bring out this young man--Erwin Jongjona.

Audience: Applauds, boos, etc.

Dr. Phil: Hi, Erwin.

Erwin: Hi, Dr. Phil.

Dr. Phil: You don't look all that happy to be here.

Erwin: Well, first, they're NOT desert items, they ARE my friends. I even met a nice old Ithorian woman recently.

Mrs. Jongjona (to her husband): Did you bring that bag, I need to throw up?

Dr. Phil: Let me ask you this, Erwin, what was your life like BEFORE you hung out in cantinas with folks named Snoopy McDrool and Sid Forperch.

Erwin: Fine. Fine and BORING. I was a straight "A" student, was a member of the book of the month club, and on a green diet.

Dr. Phil: A green diet?

Erwin: I only ate things that were green.

Dr. Phil: Well, how's your life now, son?

Erwin: Great! I'm enjoying myself.

Dr. Phil: Do you still make straight "A"s?

Erwin: No.

Dr. Phil: Are you still reading them books?

Erwin: Yuck--no!

Dr. Phil: Well, how's that working for you?

Erwin: Great! My pal Bobby Fett says reading isn't where it's at, experience is. You can read about a blaster fight, but I've lived through them!

Mr. & Mrs. Jongjona: What!?!?!?

Audience: Gasp!

Dr. Phil: Are you hearing these reactions, Erwin?

Erwin: There's nothing wrong with my ears. Well, except the fourth one.

Dr. Phil: Do you understand what I'm say?

Erwin: Yeah.

Dr. Phil: Now, what I wanna know from Mom and Dad here is, how in THE WORLD did you not know your son--your baby boy--was in a blaster fight?

Mr. Jongjona: I feel horrible, Dr. Phil.

Mrs. Jongjona: I haven't talked to Erwin one-on-one in months.

Dr. Phil: I think I know your probably--communication. Where is the communication in this family? You got a kid hanging around Bobby Fetts and Iggy the Ithorian and you don't know anything about it.

Erwin (snifflig): That's right.

Mr. Jongjona: Well, we came here to get your advice Dr. Phil, so what is it?

Dr. Phil: What is it? Ya'll need to communicate! Talk to each other. Hang out with each other. Don't shun the cantinas, go with Erwin to the cantinas. Find out who his friends are. Find out what he's getting into.

Erwin: That would be wonderful Dr. Phil. I haven't felt like I've had my parents' attention in lunar cycles.

Dr. Phil: How much attention did they pay you when you read and got great grades.

Erwin: None, they just expected it.

Audience: Boooooo.

Dr. Phil: Hang on folks. Erwin, do you think if Dad and Mom hung out with you more you could start doing better in school again?

Erwin: Yes.

Dr. Phil: Mom and Dad, do you think you could stop comparing Erwin's friends to desert menu items and go with him to these places filled with strange, alien creatures?

Mr. & Mrs. Jongjona: Yes.

Dr. Phil: Well, the problem's solved then, I'm still awesome!

Mr. & Mrs. and Erwing Jongjona: Thanks, Dr. Phil!

Audience: Applauds wildly.