I have never smoked a cigarette.

Never.

Not once in my entire life.

Sometimes this is met with surprise when I mention that my own father is a smoker. I think most people figure that if one of your parents is a smoker, then you yourself will have tried it at some point. I never did. Never once had the temptation. When people ask how it is that I was never tempted, I simply tell them that, when I was little, I used to wait for my folks to finish getting ready for work in the morning (before I was taken to school) and I used to hear my father hacking and coughing while in the shower--the steam "loosened" things up in his lungs and airways, and he'd cough so violently that I was scared something was wrong with him. Until my mother told me he coughed like that every morning without fail. Such is the price of a nicotine habit.

So I give credit to those folks who really make a concentrated effort to give up smoking, whether it's cigarettes, cigars, pipe tobacco, cloves, whatever. It's hard to resist temptation when you're hooked. My best friend used to smoke pretty frequently. He managed to quit several times over the years, once for several years straight. He confessed to me when he finally gave in to overwhelming temptation, but it was usually because he was under a lot of stress and just couldn't resist. This stress was usually the result of having to deal with his then-business partner, an Admiral Ozzel of the highest (dis)order. But he always got back on the wagon and quit again.

How does one resist temptation? Luke makes it look easy in ROTJ. He gives in to his anger, wails on his dad, but has a moment of clarity and regains himself. This didn't look like such a big deal in 1983. But in light of the prequels, with Anakin being constantly surrounded by temptation in AOTC and ROTS, I think Luke's resistance to temptation now has more weight.

I think the words "temptation" and "seduced" are perfectly applied here. Part of the appeal of temptations are the knowing that you're gonna love whatever it is that's tempting you, no matter how bad it is in the long run. We've all faced that temptation.

For some, it's cigarettes/tobacco. For some it's alcohol. For others, it's spoilers. For Jedi, it's the Dark Side. (For me, it's chocolate chip cookies. I could say no--with difficulty--to a naked Aayla Secura, but I couldn't say no to a clothed Aayla Secura with a batch of chocolate chip cookies in her hands. Fresh out of the oven. Placed right below her bosom.)

I tried very hard to avoid spoiler temptation before ROTS. The temptation wasn't so bad for me. Heck, I'd even bought the graphic novel of ROTS two months before it opened, and it sat on my shelf undisturbed until after I'd seen the movie. No problem. I know one person who was so tempted to read the GN that she had hers shrink-wrapped to keep herself at bay. Another person here--who shall remain nameless unless he willingly identifies himself--had the novelization, but was so prone to temptation that he stashed the book in his cupboard to keep it out of sight. I can't remember if he wrapped his also, but he still found it hard to resist his temptation. Another friend bought the ROTS "Art of" and "Making of" books, but had a similarly tough time trying not to peek into either. But I respected their courage to stay pure for the film. ROTS spoilers were hardly a temptation for me, since I wanted to remain as innocent as possible for my first screening. Avoiding ROTS spoilers, however, was almost impossible for me, and I wasn't even trying to look for them. They kept finding me. But that's another story for another time...

So, how do we do it? We know we'll love that stuff that tempts us. We know it's a kind of Dark Side urge within us all. I've had smokers tell me of all the times they feel the "urge": when they're stressed, when they finish a big meal, when they're out having a drink at a bar, or after completing a big task/project. So I see cigarettes as a kind of Dark Side all their own. You know it's bad for you, but when you first embrace it, it feels sooooooooo good. After all, you can quit again any time you want to, right?

I can just see the Jedi saying the same thing about the temptations of the Dark Side. They know it's bad for them, but it's always for a specific purpose, and it's always "just this once" before they get back on the Light Side wagon. Anakin gets his nicotine craving when he's under stress (mom's death, wife's impending death), but he knows it's "just this once" and then when he's finished smoking that Dark Side cigarette, all with be right with the universe and he can go on just like he did before. Luke gets his Dark Nicotine cravings when he senses his friends in danger (Cloud City, the trap on Endor). Each time it's "just this once". However, his first "cigarette" in ESB is inadvertently yanked out of his mouth when his family (smoker) lineage is fully revealed. His second "cigarette" in ROTJ is doused mid-puff by himself, when he realizes the path his Dark Nicotine craving is leading him: the same path his father chose, and he probably realized his father had the same good intentions when Anakin himself was seduced. That's what I think goes through Luke's mind when he pauses, looks as his gloved hand, then looks at the stump where his father's hand used to be. He truly understands that, as they say, "The Road to Hell is paved with good intentions." He then deactivates his lightsaber, or to get all Freudian on you, he "extinguishes his cigarette". And of course, he declares himself victorious over Emperor Palpatine, the Marlboro of the Sith.

Of course, nobody's denying that the "cigarette" tasted mighty fine to Luke leading up to that moment. When Vader trips him up with the taunt about Leia, I see that as Luke going from Marlboro Lights to Camel non-filters. (That's what my Dad smokes. In America, they're sometimes called "bullets" or "coffin nails".)

If tobacco & nicotine = Dark Side, what did the Sith Lords smoke? Let's see.

Darth Maul: Harsh and intense. Camel non-filters don't quite do the trick. Maybe cloves, then. People have told me smoking cloves is doubly harsh on your lungs, like sandpaper on your throat before long. Maybe that's why he spoke so little in Episode I...?

Darth Tyrannus: Malevolent, but smooth and subtle. Perhaps a pipe with blends of Turkish tobacco leaves. He probably used a multi-hose water pipe hookah when brokering with the Separatists. Or a peace pipe.

Darth Sidious: Patient and persistent before, but now living large and victorious. Probably smoked Marlboro reds prior to Order 66, but in a post-order 66 empire, he probably smokes the equivalent of the GFFA's best Havana hand-rolled cigars. Who needs a lighter when you can light it with your fingers?

General Grievous: Not actually a Sith, though trained and supported by them. Probably tried cigarillos, but they didn't agree with him. Note the prolonged coughing and wheezing in ROTS. Mace Windu's Force-crush of his torso certainly didn't help. Effectively went cold turkey during the trip to Utapau.

Darth Vader: Not smooth, not subtle, not patient; just gets the job done. Probably smoked menthols during his short run as a flesh & blood sith, but after Mustafar, his ventilator won't allow it. Probably sneaks in some Skoal or Copenhagen smokeless dip when he's chilling in his hyperbaric chamber. And when you think about it, his helmet does kinda resemble a spittoon...

In closing, I've learned that temptation is indeed difficult to resist. Whether you substitute the Dark Side for tobacco, chocolate, cookies (biscuits for you kids in Blighty), story spoilers, or Mandalorians, it's the same for us all. I use cigarettes as an example of the addictive nature of the Dark Side, but we all have something that always gnaws at our willpower. And when you fall off the wagon, you pick yourself back up and start again. That's why we have 12 step programs and such.

Is there a 12 step program for Mandalorians?


TOS disclaimer: don't smoke, kids. I'm using real-life tobacco product names only to illustrate a point, not to endorse them. If you start using the stuff, you'll regret it.