Three or four years ago there was a telecommunications TV ad (forgot the company) where a guy, obviously having no cell phone (mobile phone for you British kids), out in the street in some big city, yelling up to his girlfriend's apartment with the good news:

"Hey Jen/Cindy/Nikki/whatever, I just got the good news! We can go ahead and do it tonight! The test came back negative, and the doctor said I'm not contagious!!!"

And of course the punchline to the ad was that this guy was oblivious to the fact that everybody around him could hear him, some standing there with their mouths hanging open.

I had a similar TMI (TMI = Too Much Information) experience on my afternoon train just the other day. Some young woman was having a long, confessional call with a friend she'd been trying to reach. I was sitting in front of her, trying to read a book, but I soon gave up trying to read. The tidbits I overheard were just too good to ignore. In fact, I even pulled a piece of paper & a pen out of my bag and started jotting down notes, certain that this would be my next blog entry. Without further ado (Rivet comments are in {brackets})...

* "Yeah, my family's throwing me a surprise birthday party. Yeah, I know about it. I wasn't supposed to know, but my sister kept asking me to go to this family thing and I said no, not if I can't bring Patrick {the boyfriend}. And my sister then goes, 'But you have to go' and I said not if my BF can't be there, and so she goes and tells me all about it 'cause they made all these plans and stuff for the surprise party. I'm still not sure if I'm gonna go." {Nothing says togetherness like holding your family hostage over your boyfriend which they can't stand.}

* "My dentist told me I gotta get braces. I'm getting Invisalign. Invisialign. You know, that plastic thing they put in your mouth. It's $4800. That's nothing! He was talking about giving me the $6200 one. Totally sucks, 'cause I was told I already have two cavities that I have to get filled. It totally sucks." {Crybaby--I had the steel braces for two years. Plus uncomfortable headgear that I had to wear to bed for my overbite. And two cavities? Amateur. Talk to me when you've had as many as me (25+)}

* "Okay, I'm sorry an' all to say this to you, but I gotta: I totally don't like your boyfriend. I don't like the way {whatever BF's name was} treats you. He totally needs to treat you better than that." {Hello, Pot? This is Kettle. You're black.}

* "I have to tell you about this: my BF's {Patrick} dog isn't housetrained. Yeah. Totally sucks. I mean I've already smacked him two times {presumably the dog, not the boyfriend--I think}, but he's already #### in the house like two or three times and won't stop. He just won't train his dog." {Going out on a limb here, but I'll guess that a non-housetrained dog looms large in reasons why this gal's family doesn't like the boyfriend.}

* "I totally have to tell you this. Please don't get mad at me. Please don't get mad. I'm going to Alaska. Yeah. I'm going to Alaska just to torture Bobby, my ex. I'm gonna go up there and totally make him believe that I'm still in love with him, because I just wanna #### with his head. He totally deserves it!" {And I'm sure this will definitely make him wish he had you back!}

* "This girlfriend of mine is coming up from Santa Barbara [or was it Riverside?] to visit. Yeah, she's been acting really weird and crazy lately. She told me she's gonna go completely crazy unless she can just go somewhere and chill. So she's gonna come and stay with me for a couple of weeks." {When your BFF is having emotional troubles, there is no better possible cure than to have her stay in a home filled with doggie dookie, and a boyfriend that nobody likes, to say nothing of the domestic troubles you yourself are having with your own family. But of course you yourself won't have to deal with this because you'll be off in Alaska, traveling thousands of miles just to mentally torture your own ex-boyfriend.}

* "Oh, and my doctor wants to take me off my meds in a couple of weeks. Oh, I know. Can't remember what the names are, but one of them's Micodol {huh??}. And there's folic acid {known to the rest of us as Vitamin C}. And there's this other one called Depatope {????}. Huh? Yeah, I'm not sure how to say it. I'm not sure about it, but my doctor totally wants to take me off them in a few weeks." {You can insert your own joke about the "meds" here.}


And so not much longer after the "meds" part, the girl in question finished her call (almost 30 minutes long) with her confessor, she quickly fell asleep in her seat, and was quiet for the rest of the ride. I guess pouring her heart out like that took quite a bit out of her. Still, she was quite loud, and I'm not sure that she realized that half the train car could hear her every word. I noticed that she was wearing an eBay sweater, with an ID badge cliped to her shirt. Apparently she was a network admin for eBay. Yes, folks, you can feel secure in the knowledge that your eBay transactions are in the hands of a such stable personnel!

The best part was that I noticed the reactions of some folks around me, who couldn't help but listen in. A woman next to me, unsuccessfully trying to read her own book, clearly made her opinions known, as she complained not-very-quietly a few times, one time saying "I can't believe I have to put up with this!" But Phone Girl had no clue, having been speaking so loudly herself.

Yes, I know we're not really supposed to eavesdrop. But in this case it's impossible not to. I was inside a moving commuter train, with no other open seats where I could relocate. I can't even tell you how many times I've clearly overheard phone conversations that spilled personal stuff on these trains. But this is one of my two favorite times. (The other time was when a woman called her credit card company to complain that her card was cut off while she was in the middle of paying for a very important business lunch, and gave excruciating detail of her anger and embarassment that she'd felt during the lunch. This one was so loud in her call that the entire train car was turned around, listening to her, captivated by her every word!)

Yes, yes. I know there's no real Star Wars-connection in this entry at all. But if any character is guilty of TMI, it's gotta be Jar Jar. Just look at his explanation for his banishment in Episode I.

In this world of instant mobile communications, I know I'm not alone. You folks have experienced this too. Makes ya wonder what kind of overheard conversations the next generation of hand-held communication gadgets will produce...