Okay, for your enjoyment, here is a spoof that is an oblique reference to everything from my original novel to Firefly.
*****
THE PHANTOM MENACE

Opening crawl: Beware Republicans, name-droppers and very strange kids with bowlcuts. Other than that, we're all screwed. What else is new?

Ship: Hi, I'm the nifty opening shot and I'm much more functional than those stupid ships 32 years from now.

Pilot: I am the token Crew Member Number 3! I die before the end of this episode! What's my last name?!

Droid: I'm the token droid who no one likes. Who are you?
Hooded figures: We are the token portentious stalking types.

Obi-Wan: I am the token line-reference and don't have a girly haircut. DON'T TOUCH MY BRAID!

Qui-Gon: I am the token symbol against which the young, stupid generation must rebel...until something balder comes along.

Obi-Wan: What does that mean?

Qui: It's all in your head, token rebellious teenager!

Obi: So, what about the frogs?

Qui: They'll be too busy checking their makeup and working on their accents to notice that we've saved the day!
****
Gunray: I am the token reminder of how much Republicans and illegal aliens suck because I sound vaguely hispanic, am named after Newt Gingrich and will kill you all!

Flunkie: Really?

Gunray: Not with the token cuties around. Stall!
****
Obi: Five million star systems and no one can find a decent Starbucks?

Qui: I asked the replicator for Earl Grey, but it's not quite right. Maybe they're too scared to brew a decent cuppa.
****
Sidious: Dude! You caught me before moisturizing!

Gunray: Cower, cower, you're not as scary as those token guys with lightsabers!

Sid: Don't worry, I'll ask Chancellor Valorum about that intern. It'll keep the
Senate distracted for years!

Gunray: And the good actors?

Sid: The director should never have hired them. Wipe them out. All of them.
****
Jedi: Oh, goody! A chance to be symbolically manly with our lightsabers!

Qui: Ugh, the droid ####ed. Hold your breath!
****
Droids: George couldn't find anything more stupid than stormtroopers who can't aim, but we have no sense of strategy. Aren't we special?

Obi/Qui: Nobody expects the Jedi Inquisition!
****
Gunray: Oh, goody! Utter defeat means we're wictorious. Any other CGI floating around here?

Flunkie: How about those nifty rolypolies?
****
Obi: Quick! To the Jeffries tube!
****
Qui: Okay, kid, let's play hide and seek. Try to blend in.

Obi: Wait! We can't leave until I've been clever!

Qui: Not working.
****
Flunkie: It's the victim with the Scarlett O'hara waist! RUN!

Queen: I am another person with bad dialogue and a dumb accent, but I can act! COWER, YE MORTALS!

Gunray: Call me when you get to high school.

Flunkie: Good one, sir, but we're still screwed.

Gunray: But we're screwed on the side of the Mafia. Not too bad.
****
Sids...Er...Palps: But I'm such a nice guy! How can anyone not love my victimized planet?

Queen: Well, it might have something to do with your dental plan.

Palps: Wait, bad signal.

Queen: Dang! Should have switched to Verizon!

Bibble: Hey, is it time for my trite grandstanding yet? We're screwed AND British!

Queen: Shut up. If I change costumes enough, they'll leave us alone.
****
Naboo wildlife: It's the running of the bulls! Since when did we become Pamplona?

Jar-Jar: I'm the useless sidekick

Qui: Darn! The useless sidekicks never kick the bucket. Now DUCK!

Jar: Mesa got a PhD in being stupid!

Qui: With a minor in bad accents. You were both in the Elang223 class at BYU with the viceroy, right?

Jar: How did yousa know?

Obi: MEEP!

Qui: Silly boy...

Jar: Yousa guys bombad.

Obi: What's this?

Qui: A pathetic lifeform followed me home. Can we keep him?

Obi: ...

Qui: No time to talk, must make vague and really sexy-sounding threats!

Obi: Hi, I'm Captain Obvious! Or Padawan Obvious...

Jar: Well, when all else fails, wesa go to the swamp!

Obi: Well, what the heck, it worked for Yoda.
****
Nass: Jabba couldn't make it. Mesa the understudy with worsa dialogue.

Qui: Didn't you read the script? We're screwed!

Nass: Wesa no carrrrrrrrrrrre about the script!

Obi: The cliff's notes version is with the new labor laws, we all get screwed equally, so cough up a donation for the save-the-day fund!

Qui: Or just fork over a ship and a useless sidekick.

Nass: Why the useless sidekick?

Qui: So none of us die.

Obi: Now, who hasn't read the script?
****
Obi: So, small talk time. Why are we stuck with you?

Jar: Mesa tend to blow yousa up.

Obi: Oh, good, maybe we can wrap this crap up before second breakfast.

Jar: Speaking of breakfast, wesa screwed!

Qui: This seems to be a recurring theme. AUTHOR!

Godzilla: They fired me before lunch!

Qui: There's always a bigger CGI.

Jar: This be a bigsa sea-killer.

Obi: I think this line's mostly filler.

Qui: Let's just ignore geology and cut to the next fight scene.
****
Gunray: Don't worry, everything's going just fine.

Sids: I got the vote-counters from Florida to do this election. No one will
notice our evil plan for years!

Gunray: But the British monotone chick's got the Mafia on her side, too!

Sids: Bah!

Gunray: And don't ask about how the Jedi Purges went this morning!
****
Qui: Time to be cryptic, Jedi and utterly useless at fixing cars.

Obi: No, time for more CGI. We're not over budget enough this second.

Jar: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Obi: Oh, for the love of motherless goats!
****
Droid: I don't know why, but the queen surrendered as long as she could take her matched luggage and makeup artists.

Gunray: Russian pork...I mean, wictory!
****
Bibble: I don't get this.

Gunray: Neither do we, but who said clarity was important to a plot? We'll
win anyway because we have cooler accents and our armies can't die!

Queen: That's what you think!

Gunray: Just wait until you've got a bad hair day and British Airways has
lost your matched luggage!
****
Qui/Obi: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Droids: ACK! GOOD ACTORS WITH A FIGHT CHOREOGRAPHER! RUN!

Qui: Um, why are we still standing around here?

Queen: Because I haven't foreshadowed my secret identity!

Bibble: You guys are about as convincing as this dialogue!

Qui: Whatever. Does ANYONE have a plan?

Everyone: No.

Qui: Well, I'd say I have a bad feeling about this, but Obi-Wan's the trite line-
dropper.

Obi: I do have a bad feeling about this.

Qui: Then, let's skedaddle. Maybe the bad guy will come in handy!

Everyone: Up, up and away!

Blockade: Not if anything to say about it I have!

Panaka: We're sitting ducks!

Qui-Gon: Obi-Wan, what's a duck?

Obi: Never mind!

Qui: How many times have I said we're screwed now?

Ric: We're not! We've got the magic droid of cameos!

Everyone: Hurrah!

Qui: Not so fast. We need to fill up. Anyone got a Costco card?

Obi: No, but the Hutts might.

Panaka: Can I say we're screwed yet?
****
Sids: So, how are things with the Queen?

Gunray: What Queen? Did you know about any queen? Oh, that Queen.
Um, well, you see...

Sids: Idiots! Must I do everything myself?

Gunray: Well, it might help...

Sids: Well, here is my apprentice, the motherless goat of all motherless goats! Also known as Darth Maul.

Maul: ...

Gunray: Oh, crapsters.
****
Panaka: And the Oscar for Best Performance by a droid in a cameo role goes to R2d2!

Queen: Yo! Look-alike! Go give him a spit-polish. What next?

Panaka: We're screwed and it's Liam's fault!

Qui: Sure, blame it on my brilliant strategy.
****
Jar: Hey! I haven't annoyed you yet. Whosa are yousa?

Padme: I'm having an identity crisis, but we'll get to that later.

Jar: Well, mesa having a crappy day. Mind if mesa vent?

Padme: Yes!
****
Ric: Hey, I found that dustbunny we were looking for.

Qui: Nifty. Lets go find a lifeform more pathetic than Jar-Jar.

Obi: You know the useful parts of the ship? I wiped them out. All of them.

Qui: Stop that and do something useful while I go get a tan.
****
Jar: Forgot my SPF 45.

Panaka: Wait! We can't handle this one's identity crisis. Mind if she tags
along for romantic purposes?

Qui: Great, from Jedi to nanny. Will this never end?
****
Qui: Mos Espa. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and...um, right, let's try that one.

Watto: Hi! I'm the TA from the dumb accents class. How can I confuse you?

Anakin: Wait for me! I'm Hitler in short pants and my mom can't afford a haircut!

Qui: Let's go talk out back so we don't have to chaperone the future budding romance.

Anakin: Are you an angel?

Padme: Who's your continuity specialist? Can I shoot him?

Ani: Forget continuity. I need an acting coach, but I don't have time, since I
have to foreshadow everything!

Padme: Oh, well, that's fun.

Ani: It's a hard-knock life AND I'm a slave with rights and a nasty squint!

Padme: Okay, okay! Just don't Force-choke me or anything!

Jar: This is droid-tinkering for dummies...
****
Watto: How much are you willing to pay to get me to stop talking with stupid accents?

Qui: There ain't no money in the 'verse that could stop that!

Watto: Doesn't matter. I want reeeeeeeeeeal money.

Qui: I have reeeeeeeeeeeeeeal money and you want to take me shopping afterwards.

Watto: Ha! I wouldn't, even if you were a Jedi!
****
Qui: Time to go.

Ani: See y'all at the wedding!

Watto: Grr, I have to show my soft side now.

Anakin: Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
****
Qui: Don't we have any pocket change? Have you checked the sofa cushions?

Obi: We could sell all the Queen's clothes... Heeeeeeey...

Qui: Shut up. We'll find something less hormonal to do.

Jar: Mesa left my sunblock, my aloe and my common sense on board. Let's get out of here!

Qui: Not until we get rid of the stalker!

Jar: What stalker?

Ani: The one following you around to explain everything
you're too dumb to understand.

Qui: Well, stop it!

Ani: I'm a bad actor, not a stalker!
****
Obi: I forgot to watch the weather channel.

Panaka: But the phone's working again!
****
Ani: Come on, I've got to show my philanthropic side!

Jira: I'm just as much of a whiner as he is!

Ani: Wanna come to my place? Me and Padme can go in my bedroom...
And you can meet my single mom!
****
Ani: Hey, I brought home three pathetic life-forms and a droid. Can we keep them?

Qui: So, how you doing?

Ani: Let's go foreshadow some more?

Droids: Momentous meetings must be accompanied by random, vaguely inappropriate babbling!
****
Bibble: We're screwed, screwed and did I mention we're screwed?

Obi: We've got call waiting. We'll pretend we lost the message.
****
Qui: Get the handmaidens off the phone before they kill us all!

Obi: Already taken care of.
****
Maul: I've got a GPS and a dumb accent. I should be able to kill them all by the time those guys in Van Nuys finish the next round of CGI.

Sids: I hate those sissy Jedi. Kick their butts first.

Maul: At last we will reveal my one line to the Jedi. At last I will
have...revenge.

Sids: If you say so.
****
Shmi: Wanna hear about the bomb I have strapped to my carotid artery?

Qui: Body parts everywhere. Who else is hungry?

Padme: Well, that sucks. Why don't we stop it?

Shmi: Because even in boring scenes, we have to hate Republicans.

Ani: Hey, I'm a macho guy. Wanna talk about sports?

Qui: Only if I can foreshadow and abuse Jar-Jar.

Ani: Fair enough. Now, you must be a Jedi because I'm a future Padawan Obvious!

Qui: Shut up, kid, I'm broke and foreshadowing.

Ani: You're broke? I've got a deathwish and no one has time to write good dialogue. Let's exploit that!

Qui: I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee, but not a bad idea. It would also cut down on my foreshadowing time. It gets exhausting.

Ani: Hey, just let me whine about my ship. It makes it look like I'm a mini-Han Solo without the charm, looks or acting skills.

Shmi: Great idea. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Qui: True.

Ani: But I've got a deathwish and a conscience and a very cheesy line to go with it. You wouldn't deny me that, would you?

Shmi: If you break your neck, don't come running to me.
****
Padme: The nine-year-old was hitting on me again. I think he's mentally unstable and he foreshadows. Can't we forget about this?

Qui: Of course not. It's an excuse for more CGI and makes Anakin look
unappreciated again.

Ani: I only suck...at acting...well, and flying sometimes...mostly.
****
Obi: What have I told you about pathetic lifeforms?

Qui: That I should pick up a few more? Great idea!

Shmi: Hi, I'm the Virgin Mary with a bad wardrobe, but my freaky kid is just pathetic enoug for your tastes. You want a new pet?

Qui: We'll see how he works with CGI.

Ani: Hi! I've got a Hot Wheels AND a new girlfriend.

Kids: But you've got a bowl cut and no friends. Nyah nyah nyah!

Jar: Hi, I'm the dumb comic relief!

Padme: You're a relief to no one.

Ani: But it's aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive! YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
****
Ani: Ooh, when I get to leave here after we stop foreshadowing, can I go conquer the galaxy?

Qui: From a certain point of view.

Shmi: Curfew!

Ani: I'm a gullible wimp. G'night!

Qui: But you're a gullible wimp who can outForce Yoda. Weird.
****
Maul: ...

Droids: If you say so, sir!
****
Watto: You are soooo stupid and I'm betting on someone else!

Qui: Good! Let's make another stupid bet.

Watto: Grr! There goes my mechanic.

Kit: Not if he sucks as bad as last time.

Padme: Why does everyone in these movies get to have a bad feeling about this?
****
Fode/Beed: And just when you can't take any more dumb accents, we're taking a break from the Nascar circuit to come here. Is this Texas or Tatooine?

Ani: I have the insulting power of a nun!

Sebulba: Mine is an evil laugh!

Qui: You're screwed, but may the Force be with you anyway!

Jawas, Jabbas, Sand People and Willow: We serve no purpose, but hey, that doesn't seem to bother George!

Ani: I won! Can I say Yippeeeeeeeeeeeee again?

All: NO!

Watto: NO! He was the only one who liked my accent!
*****
Qui: Obi, do the dirty work. I left one of our pathetic lifeforms back home with his cute single mom who I have to comfort.

Obi: I knew it!
****
Qui: Ani, you've been freed.

Ani: Do I get to whine at people on different planets now?!
YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Qui: Yes, but you also get to have Oedipal issues.

Ani: NOOOOOOOOOOO! I'll come back when I'm more whiny and have a worse haircut.

Shmi: Don't look back and avoid all Tusken Raiders and eat your veggies!

Ani: Mom, stop mothering me! You're ruining the foreshadowing!
****
Maul: ...

Qui: OH CRAP! BACKUP!

Obi: Uh, I don't get it.

Qui: Me either, but I've got a bad...

Obi: Never mind. Who's this?

Qui: Everyone, meet the bane of your existence.

Obi: Oh, nifty.
****
Gunray: Aren't you dead yet?

Bibble: Don't you know? Only the good die young and the obnoxious live forever!

Droid: Can we go wipe out the frog people yet?
****
Padme: Crap, I should have never left the farm.

Ani: Me either. What's wrong?

Padme: Padme can't stop talking in third person and having an identity crisis.

Ani: Oh, well, that sucks. Here's a nifty trinket I found in the cereal...I mean, I carved it myself!

Padme: Um, okay, but our love will last forever! Or at least until episode 3, when I get fat and you get brooding.
****
Ric: Look, it's Boston on steroids! We've even got Ted Kennedy and Bill Clinton waiting for us...

Qui: Isn't that Palpatine and Valorum?

Ric: Same thing.
****
Palps: Don't mind me. That smug looks means I'm harmless and happy to see you!

Valorum: In the real world, bad actors live forever. In the Senate, no one likes us. But don't worry, we've got the evil schemers on our side!
****
Palps: Look, if we whine enough, we can rule the universe. Just look what it did for Ani!

Queen: But I don't want to rule the universe! I just want world peace.

Palps: You are young and naïve and I'm SO not evil! Just do my bidding and no one gets hurt.

Queen: Like I believe that line.
****
Qui: The boogey man came after me. It had to be a Sith.

Mace: A Sith?

Qui: Well, gee, red lightsaber, out to kill us all. Was it a Girl Scout?

Ki-Adi-Mundi: Can't be. No one goes after sex gods. Not this millennium, anyway.

Mace: And we're know-it-alls, too.

Yoda: A fortune cookie I am. Doom there shall be!

Mace: Take four hours of meditation and call us in the morning.

Qui: But I've found another pathetic life form!

Council: Not again!

Mace: What prophecy does he fulfill this time?

Qui: The really freaky one.

Mace: Fine, let's see him.
****
Rabe: You can't date the Queen for another ten years.

Ani: Well, is Padme around?

Queen: Pay no attention to the love interest behind the fifty-foot dress.
****
Valorum: Let's get this over with.

Palpatine: Taxes, taxes, blockades and it's all his fault!

Queen: Well, his and the frog guys'.

Frogs: Liar, liar, gown on fire!

Queen: I know you are but what am I?

Valorum: Well, they have a point...

Queen: Valorum, I say we smite thee with our bansticks!

Palps: Cool! What else can I get you to do?
****
Obi: The boy has no skillz... No lightsaber skillz... No Jedi Mind Trick skillz... you know, SKILLZ! GOSH!

Qui: Yeah, but he whines less than you do!

Obi: I know I'm a rebellious Padawan, but what's your excuse?Qui: I'm too
old to know better!
****
Ani: Um, I can read your mind!

Yoda: Us too! A wimp you are!

Ki-Adi-Mundi: You're a mama's boy!

Ani: Darn straight!

Yoda: A wimpy mama's boy!

Ani: What's wrong with that?

Yoda: The Code says, when comes a wimpy mama's boy, screwed we are!

Ani: Why does everyone say that?
****
Jar: Yousa going to die!

Queen: Yup! Sucks, don't it?

Jar: Wesa going to die!

Queen: Yup.

Jar: Wesa gonna whap desa droids upside the headsies!

Panaka: Our evil schemes worked!

Queen: Well, darn.

Palps: Here's a list of my empty promises and cute slogans for the
campaign. Vote for Pedro!

Queen: Whatever. I'm packing my matched luggage.

Palps: I have a bad feeling about this.

Queen: Yeah, 'cuz everyone's going to die!

Palps: Ooh, but that'll make everyone vote for the poor victimized Palpy!
****
Ki-adi-mundi: Well, yeah, he's more powerful than the Force itself.

Qui: Cool beans. When does he get the ugly haircut?

Mace: The day after never!

Qui: Huh?

Mace: he's a Force geezer!

Qui: A Force-geezer who'll save your butts!

Yoda: Think so I don't!

Qui: Fine, I'll home-school him.

Yoda: A brat you already have.

Qui/Obi: A very competent brat!

Qui: Get rid of him.

Mace: Stop whining when there's a war to fight! We'll deal with the Darth dude later.
****
Obi: This sucks!

Qui: None of your cheek!

Obi: Well, it does! He's a bad boy!

Qui: Here's a credit. Go pay someone to care.

Ani: Can I whine yet? No one will even give me a crappy explanation of why I'm Mr. Doom and Gloom!

Qui: It's foreshadowing and George inventing science.

Ani: Okay, let's go on vaca!
****
Sids: Is anything going right yet?

Gunray: Almost!

Sids: Good. Here comes my makeup artist for a surprise inspection!

Gunray: Oh crapsters.
****
Ric: I'm dumb as a post.

Ani: Me too.

Ric: Cooool...
****
Qui: We're all doomed.

Queen: Well, that's nice. We've got an expendable group of frogs.

Jar: Yay, wesa get to die?

Ric: Not with one bad guy around.
*****
Jar: Wesa off to see a fatso about a suicide mission.

Obi: Lovely. Master, I'm not feeling the love.

Qui: That's okay. We're doomed anyway.

Obi: Well, can I get a hug for loving you anyways?

Qui: Sure. Group hug!

Jar: But first, nobodysa der!

Qui: Scaredy-cats.

Panaka: Deady-cats.

Jar: Quiggy was right!

Queen: We're doomed. Want to help?

Nass: Naww, we like you doomed.

Padme: Well, I'm doomed, but I'm a better actor and a major suck-up. Want to help?

Nass: Sure!
****
Gunray: We found their secret fort!

Sids: Cool beans! She's as stupid as she is...well, you get the idea! Don't
fire til you see the whites of their eyes.
****
Ani: Whee! The cavalry's here!

Padme: Yay! Now if we can just find the handy-dandy secret passageway...

Obi: Well, what if we're doomed?

Padme: Not allowed.
****
Nass: Wesa so screwed yousa our only hope!

Jar: Whatsa?!

Nass: Wesa ready to get him killed!
****
Sids: Still there?

Gunray: I think she's got a death wish.

Sids: Well, don't let me stop you...
****
Gungans: Go yesa heroes go to glory though yesa die in combat gory!

Droids: Okay!
****
Qui: I'm not babysitting you.

Ani: Okay.

Qui: I mean it.
****
Gunray: They're doomed on my turf! Get 'em!
****
Qui: Ani, don't go anywhere once you take this the wrong way and scram!

Ani: Okay!

Qui: Stay right in that starfighter!
****
Pilots: We're an equal-opportunity suicide mission!
****
Gungans: We die now!

Narrator: And there was much rejoicing.
****
Qui: Oops, here's the bad guy again.

Obi: I can totally take him.

Maul: ...

Padme: Let's go be doomed someplace else.

Ani: Can't I do anything? If I hit all the buttons at once, maybe that'll work. Oops!
****
Padme: I'm Batgirl! Whee! Where's the bad guy?

Gunray: Right here! You're doomed.

Decoy: Or I'm doomed over here!

Gunray: Doh! After the real doomed!

Padme: Haha! I am the real doomed!
****
Droid ship: Boom.

Ani: Did I do that?
****
Qui: Urk. Ow. Dying here.

Obi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Qui: Well, turn off the coffeepot before the funeral and train the brat 'cause I never really liked you.

Obi: *sniff*
****
Gungans: Theysa dead! Cool! Wesa the champions!
****
Panaka: Nananabooboo and a kick in the shins for you!

Palps: I'm a bad guy with a cute smile! Let's wipe out all the Republicans. All of them!
****
Yoda: Stop whining. A Knight you are.

Obi: Chosen the boy is.

Yoda: Make up your mind! Your problem he is.
****
Qui: Come on, baby, light my fire.

Obi: Come, Anakin, I will teach you the ways of foreshadowing!
****
Parade: YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Nass: PEACE!

Obi: I'm too sexy for my braid

Ani: So, Padme, how you doing?