In an earlier entry, I referred to Padme as a character in the films who wears a mask. If you've yet to read that entry, I suggest reading it before you continue here as it serves as a starting point for this one.

Throughout the course of the prequel trilogies one of the internal conflicts that we see takes place inside Padme as she struggles to balance her duties in public service with her needs and desires. As her story progresses, Padme reaches a point where she must decide who she is and what's important to her.

From the moment we first see Amidala she is wearing a mask. The elaborate makeup, headdresses, and gowns work to hide her youth and protect her identity, especially during the blockade and Battle of Naboo. But this protective mask also serves to hide who she really is. As Queen, she appears to be cold and aloof. She speaks in stiff, regal, and clipped tones, all of which add to her authority as Queen of Naboo. The white makeup makes her appear cold and distant.

We see a different point of view when we are introduced to the Queen's handmaiden. In contrast to the Queen, Padme is warm and approachable. Warmth and color have replaced the cold white. She is happy to clean R2-D2 after his heroics in saving the ship, and is curious about seeing Tatooine. The Queen is focused on getting to Coruscant so she can persuade the Senate to end the blockade, yet Padme learns that there are a multitude of injustices in the galaxy when she is introduced to the young slave, Anakin Skywalker. Anakin is so taken by the warmth and kindness emanating from her that he believes her initially to be an angel.

Yet even as a handmaiden, she is strong and opinionated. One TPM source referenced a strength in her eyes that told Qui-Gon she could handle any challenges that they may have encountered on Tatooine. She is not afraid to speak her mind to Qui-Gon when she disagrees with him, nor to voice her surprise that slavery still exists in the galaxy. One of the most touching scenes in TPM is shortly after she views the message from Sio Bibble. Her own heart full of worry and fear, she then notices Anakin, cold and shivering in the corner. True to character, Padme puts her own considerable fears and worries aside for the moment and does her best to comfort the boy. Had she been dressed in the formal robes of Queen at that moment, I'm not sure that Padme would have been able to comfort young Anakin. But she is not a Queen at this time, and so she does her best to comfort the boy. In that moment, she was his angel. It is also during this time that Padme meets Jar Jar Binks, presumably the first Gungan she has met. Despite the differences, she does not demean Jar Jar because he is diffferent from her.

When Padme steps forth to tell Boss Nass that she is the Queen, the dichotomy begins. Just who is the real Padme? Is it the cold, distant Queen, or the warm, caring handmaiden? Is she the idealist fighting for a cause, or the girl who reached out to comfort and shivering Anakin on the ship and flash him a smile when her true identity turned his world upside down? To some degree, Padme is both, but at the same time, I'm not sure that her dual nature is fufilling in her life.

In AOTC, Padme's committment to public service has continued as she now serves as Senator for Naboo. Her passion and beliefs have led her to be an advocate for the peoples of the galaxy. Yet, an important part of who Padme is continues to remain hidden. The robes of a Senator hide other aspects of Padme's character. Beneath the formal gowns and robes of office is someone who has hopes and dreams for herself, yet her service to the Republic has continued to put off these hopes and dreams. Padme soon finds herself opening up to Anakin, who is very upfront and open about what he feels for her. In the end, Padme and Anakin are kindred spirits. Both have chosen lives of service, yet both have hopes and dreams that their respective professions appear to forbid. And as they spend time together, Padme begins to take off her mask. From the time she first met Anakin, she could be herself. Around Anakin, she didn't need to keep up the formal pretense of being a Queen or Senator. She could be herself, a young lady with hopes, dreams, and desires that were not related to her profession.

First and foremost we learn that Padme very much desires to have a family. She tells Anakin that she thought she would be married and have children by now. We see how much she enjoys being with her nieces at her parent's home. We see her longing looks at Anakin while she talks in the kitchen with her mother and sister. Yet instead of pursuing her owns hopes and dreams, she feels obligated to continue serving in the Senate. And at the beginning of AOTC, Padme is again confronting her own mortality. It's not that she fears death. She's faced it before, but now she sees that her own desires may never come. As Padme continues to spend time with Anakin, she continues to take off layers of her mask. Soon, the formal gowns of office have been replaced by softer colors and gowns that remind Anakin, as if he doesn't need any more reminders, that she is, indeed, a woman. She also literally, lets her hair down. For all these years, she has been known as Queen Amidala or Senator Amidala. Almost everyone she knows has addressed her by a formal or honorific title. There is a part of her that wants be Padme Naberrie. I'm not suggesting here that Padme was unhappy as a Senator. She clearly found it rewarding, yet at the same time, I do not think she really wanted to be Senator Amidala her entire life. Her actions in AOTC indicate that serving in the Senate was not fulfilling all of her needs. Given the nature of politics, I suspect that Padme had very few true friends. So many people saw her as nothing more than a way to get what they want.

And that's why Anakin is different. He likes her because of who she is. He doesn't care that she's a Senator. And while his attention makes her a bit uncomfortable, she also realizes that he has always loved Padme, not the Queen or the Senator. Padme is free to be herself around him, leaving behind thoughts of political backbiting. This is what she really wants. However, she also struggles with the conflict. She's not sure that she can give up being Senator Amidala at a time like this. She fears, with good reason, that their respective duties would greatly complicate their love. And so, she continues to wear her mask, all the while wishing that she could truly be herself. Yet each decision is leading her closer to becoming herself.

The turning point in her life may well be her talk with Anakin following the Tusken slaughter. Padme begins to see just how troubled the young man is. He is burdened by the expectations placed upon him by the Jedi Order. He is frustrated that he isn't progressing as fast as he would like, and slowly his mind is being poisoned by Palpatine, who is playing off the boy's insecurities. Anakin, despite being a Jedi, is very much alone. He is very troubled and needs help. And Padme, in spite of the challenges that she faces, seeks to comfort him again. Her desire to help people will take them to Geonosis and her destiny.

Sentenced to death, Padme now faces her mortality. There will be no peaceful days on Naboo with a family and children of her own. And while Anakin may be near her, she will die alone. As she explains her change of heart to Anakin, "I have a feeling our lives are about to be destroyed anyways." She understands that even if they survive this, the galaxy will be plunged into war. Faced with this reality, Padme decides to follow her heart. She has always lived for her beliefs and convictions. And she loves Anakin. She wants to be with him, however long and hard their time together may be. And I suspect, she wants to help him. She remembers the sweet, little boy who thought nothing of helping others. That little boy is now a Jedi, full of promise, but also full of turmoil. There really is no one else who can comfort him and help him. And while it may be in secret, Padme moves closer to becoming who she really is. In her mind and heart, she is now Padme Skywalker.

Marrying Anakin further deepened the divide in Padme. She has to hide her fear every time she hears of another Jedi death in a far off campaign. She has to hide her elation when she learns that Anakin is not the Jedi who has fallen in battle. And all the while, she has to walk the tightrope in an increasingly dangerous Coruscant until finally Padme will have to face her destiny. When she is pregnant, Padme knows that this cannot be hidden. She will have to choose between being Amidala or Skywalker. And in the end, she chooses what she always wanted. She wanted to be a wife and mother. She begins to think of the baby, where to have it, where the nursery will be.

And so her thoughts change. While she is still concerned about what is going on in the galaxy, she begins to think of how she can protect the baby. When Anakin first tells her of his dream, her first reaction is to ask about the safety of the baby. And that is just like Padme, thinking of others before herself. She may be known for her courage and eloquence in standing up for her principles, but it is her caring, compassion and kindness that define her. She loves others, doing whatever she can to help them whether they be refugees as referenced in AOTC or Anakin as she tries to help soothe his troubled mind.

I am indebted to those who have reminded me of the politician mask that Padme wore in ROTS. During the course of those events, that mask had to be tearing Padme apart. She had to appear cold and distant to her husband, the man she loved most in the world, when she really wanted to be with him, particularly in light of what was going on inside Anakin's head. His troubled psyche was growing worse. He was brooding constantly. She knew that he needed help. What's worse, I suspect that she knew something was poisoning his mind, and she was unable to help him. Better than anybody, she knows the kindnesses he's capable of. She knows his heart, and she will do all in her power to bring him back. Maybe she's the only one that can.

At the same time she is also well aware of the problems facing the Republic. Palpatine is taking more and more power. As another blogger has observed, laying the foundation for what will become the Rebellion has put Padme in the position of hiding things from Anakin. This is tearing her apart. For too long she has tried to strike a balance between being Amidala and being Padme. The secret marriage is tearing both of them apart inside because it strains against their duties to the Republic. And each will have to choose.

Padme's final choice reflected who she had always been. Long before she thought of public service, she had been a girl with regular hopes and dreams. And now, one of those dreams was falling apart, and I suspect, she feared tremendous conflict in trying to be a mother and a Senator. She chose her family. In going to Mustafar, she knew Anakin was troubled. And she knew that he could have turned to the dark side, but she was going to try and save him. It's what she had to do. It's who she was. It's who she had always been. She had given so much of her time in service to strangers that she wanted to try and help someone she deeply loved. It's interesting to note that at this point, she shuns the robes that hide her pregnancy. She doesn't care who sees, and perhaps, she hopes to remind Anakin of who he really is. More than a Jedi, more than a Sith. Anakin Skywalker is her husband and the father of the child inside her. Maybe this reminder can bring him back.

In the confrontation on Mustafar we see what Padme's choice. She's asking Anakin to come with her and leave everything behind for her and the baby. I think she's also telling him that she will leave everything behind. She will step down from the Senate and devote all of her time to being Anakin's wife and the baby's mother. She will give it all up for her family. When she saw the choice that Anakin had made, she really had no other choice but to protect the baby. As I blogged earlier, she made the only choice she could to protect the child. But even in death, Padme stayed true to who she really was. Her dying words were of forgiveness and belief that there was still hope for the twisted soul that was now Darth Vader. And she she spoke those words, her infant son was near her. Although he felt his mother's touch but once, Luke Skywalker knew what his mother believed. He was willing to die for what his mother believed. Except this time, after years of solitude, Anakin knew the truth. Love would have saved Padme while his new powers couldn't. Love would now save Luke. And so it is that Padme's love would save her son, and in turn, her husband. When Anakin first met Padme he asked if she was an angel. At the end of Anakin's life, Padme was, as she had always been, his angel.