In an earlier entry, I wrote about how some characters wore masks in the prequels to obscure who they were. Inspired by a thought provoking entry from anakinside1, I got to thinking about how Star Wars works as a mirror in some elements of my life.

I don't remember a time when Star Wars wasn't part of my life. In fact my earliest memory in life is seeing the X-Wings take on the Death Star in A New Hope. I'm guessing I was around 2 years old at the time as my parents remember seeing the film long after it came out in theaters. They took me back to see The Empire Strikes Back when it was released and the rest was history. I can still remember seeing Yoda for the first time or my horror at watching Luke get his butt kicked by Darth Vader. Even worse was the fact that Darth Vader was Luke's father. This did not sit well with my developing mind. I wanted to be Luke Skywalker. He was my hero, and here he just got thrashed by the big enemy who turns out to be his father. What kind of nightmare was this?

It all made sense though after I watched Return of the Jedi. This was my kind of movie. Luke Skywalker was now a Jedi Knight, doing the same kind of things that Yoda and Obi-Wan did before. And this time out, he got the better of Vader in the duel. But the idea that stuck with me the most from that film was Vader's redemption. Here in the end, the chief villain, the bad guy I'd grown to hate and fear becomes the hero. He kills the Emperor and saves his son from death. Darth Vader became the hero.

I suppose it was in this scene that my fandom became sealed forever. As a boy I loved the swashbuckling action of the saga, the mystique and mystery behind a lightsaber, and the concept of robots with real personalities. This was the stuff of my imagination. But as I grew older, my Star Wars figures found the bottom of the toy box and eventually made their way to charity, while I moved on to play with Transformers and Voltron. In time, those also found their way into the toy box. I was growing older and my interests were changing. I am deeply religious and come from a religious home. In my coming of age years, I also became very interested in politics and current events. In these years, I began to remember a favorite story from my youth. Star Wars. While I had outgrown some of my childhood toys, Star Wars grew with me. I still loved the action, but now noticed a depth to the story that I hadn't noticed as a little boy.

Star Wars was a story of good triumphing over evil. It was a story of a small group of freedom fighters fighting for truth and justice against an evil, tyrannical Empire. As a boy I wanted to be like Luke. Now, I found myself finally getting the backwards talking old hermit. Yoda reminded me very much of the scriptures that I was now reading with a deeper insight than before. When I was serving a church mission in Russia, there were times when the words of Yoda were a source of comfort to me. That service experience also gave me an appreciation for and connection with some of what Padme went through in the prequels. Other childhood interests remain in childhood. They did not grow up with me. Star Wars did though. I could continue to enjoy it as an adult, on a new level that reflected who I am and who I want to become.

I enjoy other fictional universes populated with diverse and interesting characters, but I don't see myself very much in those characters, and that's what makes Star Wars different. As I watch the films and read the books, I see reflections of myself in so many of the characters. I want to be as wise as Yoda, and maybe on occasion, I come close(or at least others tell me they were touched by something I said). Like Qui-Gon I'm a maverick at times, but I always try to do what I believe is right. Like Anakin I have darkness inside me that I need to overcome. Like Luke, I want to be better than I am and serve others in my life. Like Padme I'm interested in leadership, service, and politics. I've even been known to grunt like Chewie, though I'm not as hairy. Like Han I've been known to be sarcastic from time to time. In seeing so much of myself in these characters, I can better identify my own shortcomings and strengths, working to overcome the shortcomings and enhancing the strengths. In some ways, the stories and characters of Star Wars complement the other influences in my life that make me want to be a better character. And that's why it has become a part of who I am.