One comment in about Vader being a guide to the underworld is where this all began. I suppose my own entries about choices and consequences and darkness only added fuel to the fire. And so here, I attempt to explain just what it is that makes Darth Vader such a compelling character and why I am so fascinated with his story.

At the heart of it all, I try to be a good guy. Almost all my favorite fictional characters are heroes who fight evil. When I think about Halloween costumes, I always wanted to be a hero. As a boy I dreamed of being Luke Skywalker. As I grew older I wanted to be as wise as Yoda. As an adult I find that I am most like Padme and Qui-Gon. And yet there is another Star Wars character that I identify with, one that I never thought I would like as a child. Darth Vader. When Episode I came out, my mom asked me why I wanted a poster with Darth Vader on it hanging in my room. She was still trying to understand why I liked the bad guy so much. Well, it's not a fascination with evil so much as it's a fascination with Vader. From the moment that Luke took off that mask, my perception of Darth Vader forever changed. Why did he turn to the dark side, and more importantly, why did he turn back to the light?

And that's where I think so many of us identify with Vader. As much as I want to be good, and indeed, probably am good most of the time, I've also done stupid things. I've done things I wish I could go back and undo or do differently as the case may be. I suspect that we all do. And while there are many heroes with admirable qualities in Star Wars, rarely if ever do we see their flaws.

Yet with Anakin it's different. We can see his flaws clearly and easily. We see his passion and his temper. We see a rush to judgment and impatience on his part. To be fair, Anakin carried a tremendous burden of what it meant to be the Chosen One. The Jedi Masters probably didn't talk about it very much because they were not entirely sure what the prophecy meant. I suspect that they also tried to keep Anakin's training as normal as they could, both for his sake, and the sake of the other Padawans. Sometimes Anakin rushed into something out of an overzealous desire to help. The Council generally, and Obi-Wan especially, were hard on him, not out of a desire to hold him back, but out of a desire to help him.

One of Anakin's flaws was impatience. He wanted to be a Master now. As is common of many teenagers, his estimation of his skills was considerably higher than what they really were at that time. In many ways, Anakin reminds me of the high school senior football star recruited by all sorts of famous college coaches filling his head with promises of glory on the field, prestigious awards off it, and money beyond his wildest dreams in the NFL. The problem is that these coaches aren't telling the kid the truth as much as they're trying to convince the kid to join them. Promises are made of starting as a true freshman, never mind the senior All-American ahead of him on the depth chart. In this sense, Palpatine was the coach, telling Anakin what he wanted to hear.

Anakin's problem was that he didn't want to take the time and put in the effort required to become what he wanted to be. When told if he'd spend more time practicing lightsaber technique he'd rival Yoda as a swordsman, Anakin replies, "I thought I already did." Later on, it's pretty clear that Anakin is still a long ways off from being able to compete with Yoda in a sparring match. The Chosen One he may be, but that doesn't mean he has become the Chosen One yet. And Anakin's true friends and mentors understood that. Obi-Wan knew just how special a Jedi he could be. Yoda and other Council members sensed it too. But they also possessed wisdom tempered by experience. They knew that Anakin, while gifted, also had much to learn. They knew that to achieve his fullest potential, he needed to be wiser. The only way to get that is through experience. Too many times, Anakin didn't want to go through that experience.

I've always loved Padme's counsel to him about mentors. Like Anakin, she was young and had her own hopes and dreams. How many times had she been counseled by parents and mentors about her own flaws? She had learned some of those lessons and is now trying to help Anakin see. She says not to grow up too quickly. This is not to say that he should remain a youth longer, but that she understands he can't become who he really wants to become by any other way than through patience and experience. There is no shortcut to greatness. Anakin had a difficult time in learning to confide in his friends. He still needed to learn to trust Padme. He didn't confide in Obi-Wan or Yoda as much as he should have. Being more open with his mentors might have helped him better learn what they were trying to tell him.

Everything comes to head after his vision of Padme dying. He's already lost his mother, and now he fears he will lose Padme. None of us ever wants to lose a loved one, especially at such a vulnerable and young age. And this is where his character becomes personal to so many. I think we can all relate to Anakin's feelings and consternation here, especially in light of everything Anakin wanted to become. George Lucas has noted that Anakin wanted the powers of the gods. The problem lies in the fact that Anakin did not have the wisdom and experience yet to understand just what was happening.

I can't fault him for these fears. They are very real. Yoda tried to counsel him and I think Yoda's counsel was spot on. In some respects I think Anakin feared that death was the end and that there was nothing after it. In some ways, I wonder if he thought his mother was gone forever. Obviously he shared these same fears about his beloved Padme. Here Yoda is trying to tell him that the death of a loved one is not the end, but rather a new part of the journey of existence.

This is also where the experience and wisdom come into play. Yoda understands enough to know that death is a part of life. Yoda is also just beginning to understand that existence continues after death with Qui-Gon's occasional appearances. But Anakin doesn't want to hear this. He wants, as George Lucas has mentioned, the powers of a god. And in this case, the gods aren't willing to give him that power. But the devil, in the form of Palpatine comes along and offers Anakin what he wanted most. What's worse is that the devil comes in the guise of a trusted advisor and old friend. The difference though is that Palpatine never performed a single act of love or kindness for Anakin. He encouraged Anakin's flaws and impatience. Where the Jedi rightfully saw that Anakin was a good person working on being better, Palpatine was telling Anakin that he didn't need guidance and was already strong enough. Then comes the story of Darth Plageuis. Palpatine is again telling Anakin what the boy wants to hear, not caring about whether or not he is telling Anakin the truth. And all it will cost Anakin to learn the power to stop death is his soul. That's not too much if it allows you to keep what you want most, right?

Except making a deal with the devil never turns out the way you want it to, like in the old Saturday Night Live skit where the hairdresser sells her soul to the devil to become a great hairdresser. Well, the devil makes her such a great hairdresser that her clients are now eternally happy with their hairstyle and no longer need her services, so the hairdresser takes the devil to court and sues him for financial losses. In Anakin's case, selling his soul to the Sith begins to erode who he really was. And in so doing, he ceases to be the man that Padme loved. Sadly Anakin doesn't realize until it's too late that Padme didn't love him for his prestige, his Jedi powers, but instead loved him for the good person he was. Padme wanted her husband, the man she fell in love with, yet Anakin wanted power and transformed himself into everything she didn't believe in.

By the time it's all said and done, Anakin has lost everything. Padme is dead, and he's the cause of it. His child, as far as he knows, never made it into the world. Anakin has betrayed everything he ever believed in and every one he ever loved for nothing. Now, he has no friends. He helped kill many of them. His father figure and brother left him maimed, crippled, and imprisoned forever. Whenever he looks in the mirror, all Vader sees is failure and a monster left all alone in a cruel galaxy. He has no friends. After all he killed them. He has no wife because he killed her too. All he has is himself, his hatred, and his fear. He turns that hatred and fear on himself. He loathes himself for what he has become. He still isn't strong enough. Haunted by failure, I think he tries to cope with the hell he has created for himself by turning more and more to the dark side. He's trying to make the entire galaxy as miserable as he is.

In his second confronation with Obi-Wan, Vader seems to be so full of bluster. It's as if he's trying to convince himself that he's really stronger than Obi-Wan. And Obi-Wan is taunting him, especially with the warning about "if you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine." Here Obi-Wan is telling Vader that I know what you really want, but you can't have it. Go ahead. Strike me down. Do what you want to do. Avenge yourself of the injuries that I inflicted on you. But it won't make you happy. And I'll have exactly what you want. More power. Of course Vader did it, but watch at how he tries to figure out if this is some sort of trick. He realizes quickly that Obi-Wan's body disappeared before Vader's blade struck him. And Vader can't figure out what it is. Obi-Wan is still one step ahead of his apprentice because Vader still hasn't learned the difference between knowledge and wisdom. He's still trying to seek strength through power, not yet understanding that true strength comes from experience. Obi-Wan was powerful because he learned how to commune with the Force and let it flow through him. Vader was still trying to manipulate the Force and make it do what he wanted it to.

I can't help but think of how hollow Vader may have felt in these dark times. How many times did he question what he had become? I also think that every time he questioned himself, he didn't like the answers. He knew that he had caused what his life was now. And so he continued to simply hate himself. He hated what he had become, and so he continued to fuel his dark hatred against himself, trying more and more to escape his dark prison, yet each act drove him deeper and deeper into the darkness.

Buried deep inside of who Vader has become though is a reminder of who Anakin was. Padme is down there somewhere with her love and caring for him. Many things did change when they reached the capitol, but her caring for him remains, even in the darkness. I suspect he also remembers his brotherhood and friendship with Obi-Wan. But Vader tries to ignore those memories because all they do is fill him with pain, remorse, and regret. Vader is trapped in a prison of his own making.

I suspect that all of us have our own moments on Mustafar, so to speak. We become trapped by our own choices, or perhaps the choices of another. We are pained by what might have been, perhaps what should have been. And more than anything in the world, we want out of those prisons. Sometimes we seek to escape that prison by delving further and further into our own darkness. We lose ourselves in our vices, just as Vader did. He let his fear, anger, and hatred consume him. He wanted vengeance, not just on Palpatine, but also on whatever powers that wouldn't let him have Padme. I also suspect that somewhere deep inside, he's haunted by the possibility that Padme would still be with him if he hadn't turned to the dark side. Deep inside is another possibility, one that Vader doesn't yet believe. A long time ago, we knew it simply as the good in Vader that Luke felt.

I believe we all have this good inside of us, even as we struggle to pull ourselves out of the flames of Mustafar and whatever prisons we may have built for ourselves. It's a reminder of the good person we want to be. Depending on how long we've been in imprisoned in that black armor, it may be a reminder of the good person we once were. We want to believe that change is possible, that we can make amends for the dumb, stupid things we've done to hurt others. Too often though, we don't believe. Palpatine always told Vader about his destiny as if he had no choice in the matter. He was a Sith Lord, whether he liked or not.

And then Luke comes into the picture. The boy forces Vader to confront everything because now Vader sees himself. The boy is literally the result of who he used to be. Does Vader think of Padme when he sees Luke? Does he think of the day when she told him she loved him in the arena? Does he think of the time they kissed as husband and wife in the same place where they shared their first kiss? Does he remember the day she told him she was pregnant? But there is one more memory, the most painful one of all, the last time he saw her, lifeless by his own hand.

So Vader remains trapped in his prison, yet I think he wonders more and more if he can get out. Can he change? Can he be forgiven? Is there sadness in his voice when he tells Luke "it is too late for me, my son"? Yet at every turn, Palpatine is there, continuing to poison his mind, removing whatever faint and flickering hope may be coming back from time to time.

Nevertheless though, we're seeing a kinder and gentler Vader. Admiral Piett lives, despite losing the Falcon. Vader doesn't strangle the man in charge of the 2nd Death Star, saying something about the Emperor not being as kind and forgiving as Vader is. Just when exactly was Darth Vader kind and forgiving? Perhaps the man he once was is beginning to come back. This is all coming from Luke. Somewhere deep inside, Luke Skywalker has awakened the memories of who Darth Vader once was. The key here is that Luke always believes. He always believes that there is still good in Vader. Everybody else thinks he's crazy, but Luke persists in believing. Sometimes faith is like that. You have to believe even when it doesn't make sense. And Vader begins to believe, or maybe he just wants to believe. Luke is offered the same power that he was, and yet Luke refuses it. He loves his father and he won't kill him, never mind what his father has done. Luke will leave Vader's fate up to another.

This is perhaps the greatest lesson learned from Darth Vader. I am responsible for my life and my decisions. While I cannot go back and undo the stupid and dumb things I have done, I can stop doing them. I can work on trying to be a better person, however long and hard the road. I can exercise patience in the pursuit of my hopes and dreams even if they don't come to fruition when I would like them to. I can turn away from the dark prison that I sometimes put myself in. I can, with the help and love of family and friends, climb up out of the lava.

This is what Darth Vader did. He got up and accepted responsibility for his life. Yes, he was a monster, but he didn't need to remain a monster. He listened to the echoes from his past. He finally listened to Padme and her pleadings for his love. She may be gone, but he could still love her son. That's what she wanted now, even after all he had done. She still wanted him to love her. Perhaps he even heard her dying words. "There is still good in him." And so Darth Vader rose up and confronted his darkness. He confronted his fear of death, this time his own. He rose up and took hold of the man who was going to kill his son and threw him down the nearby shaft. The force lightning killing Luke now fried the machine keeping him alive, and Vader knew he was going to die. Yet this time, he didn't fear death. I'd like to think that now as the end was near, he could feel Padme coming to get him. His time with his son was short, but he was now grateful for what time he had. He wanted but two things. To tell his son he had been saved because his son believed there was still good in him and to ask for his daughter's forgiveness.

If a man as dark as Vader had someone who still loved him, there must be a Luke or Padme in each and every one of our lives. There is always someone out there who will love us, despite our flaws, and who believes that we can rise above our own darkness. That someone will always help pull us out of the lava of Mustafar. The lesson of Vader is that we are never too far gone to change if we will but believe that we can change, and then take the steps necessary, whatever they are to become the best person that we can become.