It all started innocently, like most addictions. A set of those BK toys had made their way into the office, so we opened it up and people picked up one or two that they liked and moved on with their lives. I have young kids, so I ended up with the Boga and wampa, which are soft toys (no poking eyes out and all that parental stuff). I thought they would like them and that would be the end of it. Twas not to be...nay...NAY! Was it the kids who went bonkers over the toys? No, they haven't even seen the movies and my oldest son just has a vague understanding that "I work for Star Wars". It was my wife, who nearly lunged at me when I cut open the bag of the Boga...

Wife: What are you doing!?!?

Shocked Husband: What? Opening the toys for the boys...why?

Appalled Wife: No, we need to keep them in the bags.

One-Eyebrow Raised Husband: What do you mean? They're just toys...are we going to "Collect Them All" or something or are we planning on saving them for 20 years and selling them on eBay?

Not-Amused-By-Sarcasm Wife: OK, but they don't even know what they are and maybe I like them (this is said in that wife tone that tells me that I need to listen and not make fun).

Out-Star-Wars-Fanned-By-His-Wife Husband: I didn't know you were such a Star Wars fan? You were Ms. anti-mainstream back in the day and I assumed it was way too geeky for you?

You-Don't-Know-Me-That-Well Wife: I grew up on Sci-Fi. We loved **** ****, ********** ********* and of course, Star Wars! (hmm....filter must have gotten those other ones )

I-Don't-Even-Know-Who-You-Are Husband: Really?!? Not in a million years...nope, not in a million years would I have guessed...

Well, I thought the toy thing was done, until...DUNH, DUNH, DUHHHH!!! ...BK happy meal carcasses began appearing in the mini-van (yes, we have a mini-van, get over it...). I mentioned it with a smirk, but felt it was a harmless pursuit and I kind of thought the toys were cool too. At first she was fine with accepting whatever toys were plopped into the bags, but she was getting several repeats and we both didn't understand the "food-toy collecting cycle" that changed weekly. In the meantime, the average daily grease intake quotient for our family was increasing dramatically.

In the midst of this mad quest for toys, we took a road trip to visit my folks -- the perfect solution for avoiding "Local Repetitive Toy Syndrome" ...or so we thought. The trek up I-5 towards Seattle offered many opportunities and we were actually adding to our collection instead of racking up hordes of those blobby, non-descript super battle droids.

Somewhere along the way we realized that you could also get these blasted toys with breakfast. We had an awful food experience at a BK/Convenience store amalgam just outside of Redding. Let's just say that slimy, undercooked bacon does not a yummy Croissan'wich make. Oh, and forget about those hash browns, cuz... "we're out of 'em". They gave us fries instead (blech...)..fries for breakfast!! Shoot me now and just drain the Crisco from my veins. I know, I know, they're both quasi potato products, but that's not the point. I don't like mixing lunch and breakfast foods...never have, never will. I won't eat ketchup for breakfast...that's a lunch thing...grosses me out when someone dumps globs of the red stuff on eggs and hash browns. It's just wrong, wrong I tell you.

Any who...we did score a few good toys for our pain and suffering, but I wouldn't say it was worth it. Somewhere on the "2005 BK Road Tour" we picked up a flyer that listed all of the toys and realized that some of them were more rare than others...Darth Vader to be specific. Amateurs! We are pitiful fast-food-related toy collecting amateurs and we are so out of our league! We also figured out that you could order Kid's Meals without actually being a kid (being naïve and honest can cost you lots of money...). So now we're baggin' four kids meals a pop and arguing with the static filled voice repeating our order back to us through that speaker-vent thingy...

Me: No, we already have four of those. Don't you have Yoda or Darth Vader?!?!

BK-Employee-Who-Now-Hates-Me-And-Star Wars: That's what we have...please pull to the second window.

Me: DRAT!

We pull through and get three landspeeders (ugh!!) and Grievous (score!!!). Didn't have that little wheezer yet (wouldn't it have been cool if he wheezed and coughed instead of just walking around maniacally swinging lightsabers? ...ok, well I think so.).

Me: "That's it! I can't eat another BK meal...I just can't!"

I park the van and take the landspeeders into the restaurant itching to make a trade. As luck, fate or the Force would have it, I ended up talking to the manager. He was sympathetic to my pathetic quest and had one of the workers go back and open and new box. As she approached, I could hardly contain myself as I caught a glimpse of...DARTH VADER!!!! My wife had now gotten me completely engrossed in the hunt and the prize was in sight!

She placed about five toys on the counter and Vader was finally mine!!! (...err...my wife's). I also snagged Watto and Jar-Jar (needed, but loathed). My stomach and cardiovascular system thanked the young lady and store manager profusely and I proudly walked the prize out to present to my wife (...the big game hunter bringing home the kill...maybe I should have strapped it to the top of the car for all to see!).

Yoda was elusive as ever and never showed his plasti-green face once on our entire journey. The promotion was ending as we were traveling back and they were bringing in the Fantastic-plastic 4 (whatever!!!). We still need Yoda!!

At this point, I did what any loving, cholesterol soaked husband would do...I turned to eBay. The wife had abandoned the search and was content to move on with her life and enjoy the Vader spoils. I, on the other hand, was not willing to give up so easily. She saw the collection as 75% full, I saw it as 25% empty. We were missing a few toys and I REALLY wanted to get Yoda (hey...he does cool flips when you wind him up.). I searched, I found, I did the PayPal thing and the Dagobah Dude was on his way...priority mail.

Me: Here.

Wife: What's this?

Me: Yoda!

Wife: Cool! Where did you get it?

Me: um...eBay.

Wife: How much did you pay for it?

Me: Not much...

Wife: How much did you pay for it?

Me: It doesn't matter...we have them all now...isn't that cool!

Wife: How much did you pay for it?

Me: err...Less than four Kid's Meals...

So, we finally have them all...31 hermetically sealed, vacuum-packed toys. Boxed, bagged and suffocating. Now that the conquest has ended, sadly, I find that I've come full circle...the saga is complete:

Me: They're just toys...are we going to "Collect Them All" or something or are we planning on saving them for 20 years and selling them on eBay?

sheesh...where are those darn scissors...

King Moonracer: "A toy is never truly happy until it is loved by a child."