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Rated "T" for Teen
date posted: Jan 29, 2007 5:02 PM  |  updated: Jan 30, 2007 12:36 PM
You're 5 Son, Time to Enter the Galaxy...
I am probably late to the party, but I didn't want my kids to see any of the Star Wars films until I felt that they were ready or until the begging and cajoling was too much too bear. Turns out many of the kids my oldest son hangs out with have seen the movies and I'm tired of him getting mini-excerpts of all six films at random.

Christmas allowed for some time off and I determined that the appointed hour for his introduction to the galaxy far, far away had arrived. Now, the ever-present dilemma of a parent who saw the films in the "I don't know why he did those three films first" order vs. the "but they are numbered I-VI" order. For me, the decision was fairly swift - I am NOT going to expose my child to that loathsome Jar-Jar in his young and impressionable state. The last thing I need is my high-energy guy running around the house saying "meesa-this" and "meesa that". Ugh, it's too much for any parent to stand. I know, I know, this film was made "for the children", but he will have to just go to counseling later if he's traumatized by my selfish decision. Besides, if seeing them in IV, V, VI....(wait, yawn, Star What?, oh really! Cool!, Can't Wait!, ugh...well, the Pod Race was pretty cool..) I, II, III order was good enough for me, it's good enough for my kids.

Other justifications for my decision include the spikey-headed Darth Maul and his short lived glory as a bi-ped with torso and legs intact. He also just looks too much like those "scary things" you try to shield your kids from to keep them from wandering into your bed at 2:30 in the morning because of nightmares. I like to sleep.

Also, if I started with EPI, we would have to view EPIII in the very near future to keep the galaxy moving along at a nice clip. I would then be forced to subject him to the lovely and carcinogenic Darth Anakin Vader Skywalker as he smolders up from the molten lava. Me thinks that a human form that looks like a marshmallow that has passed from golden brown to "quick, blow it out!" would be a bit much.

OK, enough yammering. He loved the first movie and I enjoyed watching it with him. I honestly don't remember the last time I watched EPIV and it was fun to see it again. I never realized how goofy Mark Hamill was and how whiney he sounds at times in the movie. The other thing I noticed was something that was brought up by my son. He knows that there are lightsabers in Star Wars, so we were about 2/3 of the way through and he wanted to know when we were going to see some action. I never realized that New Hope had so little lightsaber rattling. Darth and Obi stir it up a bit and you get a taste of Luke training...but , wha??? That's it??? In my foggy memory, there were many, many more altercations. I'm guessing EPIV - EPVI became one giant celluloid stream of consciousness in my brain and there were tons of electro-snapping clashes to be viewed. 'twas not the case. It must have been the marketing and not the movie, no wait! It was EPI that had the marketing juggernaut. nevermind...

Sarcasm and cynicism aside, it brought back wonderful memories of when I first saw the film and it was so great to be able to share it with my son. He's really into the characters and toys now. I usually get to be Darth Vader because he likes how I do "that breathing thing". I take my cursory beating with his plastic green buzzy lightsaber toy as he laughs at my every yowl. I get to use a small, rubbery sword from IKEA to defend my knees and ankles from the onslaught...marginally effective at best.

Good and Evil, Light and Dark, Heroes and Villains...the perfect thing for young boys who are full of energy, bent on adventure and ready to save the world from the "bad guys". My second son is 3 and he'll be visiting the galaxy in a couple of years too. At some point I'm going to have to merge their viewings or I'll be clocking a lot of droid time in the next few years.

What about girls? Our third just joined us around Christmas and I wonder if she will have any interest when she turns 5. Is there any room for a cool Death Star explosion in the Barbie aisle? Wait! Have Lucas licensing get Mattel on the horn...coming in 2007...NEW! Barbie's Millennium Falcon Fashion Station..."Give Leia a less bakery-inspired do and have hours of fun blow-drying new Dunk and Style Chewbacca (sold separately...)." I know there are scores of girls/women who love Star Wars, I'm just wondering if 5 is going to be the right age for her too. Time will tell...

Until then, I'll be working my way through the remainder of the sixology (what the heck do you call a 6-part series? Oh wait, probably a 6-part series) and enjoying the galaxy with my kiddies. I'm not sure exactly when we'll reach the "Rated PG-13 for sci-fi violence and some intense images" movie, but I know I'll be saving it for last. I'm guessing we'll munch on some pepperoni pizza and popcorn as we watch...and maybe roast some marshmallows for dessert.